its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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