this beer tastes like vomit already
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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