Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
