Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize