Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
