thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
