Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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