if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
