TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
