Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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