no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
