Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
