My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
