The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
