the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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