There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize