Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
