Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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