Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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