I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
