This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
