Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize