My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
