What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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