i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
