so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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