You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
