You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
