I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
