We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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