Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
