her vagine was all disorganized.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
