You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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