Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
