I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
