batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
