Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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