okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
