dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This baby is an asshole
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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