He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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