Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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