You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
