I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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