I'm passing your future prison.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
