How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
