Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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