i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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