Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize