My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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