Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
