I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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