never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
