Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
