She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
