why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
