bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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