If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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