Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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