i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize