My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
