At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
