How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
