You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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