Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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