I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
