Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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