Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
