i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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