you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
