Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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