sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
