Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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