So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
