don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
