I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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