woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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