actually, I'm a sock model
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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