Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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